Good evening meat drones. Welcome to the latest neurostream of NeoCity Gangs, where I discuss the criminal organizations who rule our metro cesspit. Tonight’s upload will outline the Paladin. So verify that datalink encryption and get ready to receive an info dump.

Though it may come as a complete surprise for you data leeches, not every criminal wannabe is lucky enough to win a transhumanism lottery for genetic recombination or cybernetic uplift. For ordinary Homo sapiens, the choicest criminal institution to terrorize law abiding tax slaves are the Paladin. One should take careful note the core reason NeoCity Police stockpiles enough firepower to equal the sixteenth largest army in the world, and rival criminals are essentially superhuman soldiers, is because a quarter million miscreants call themselves Paladin. That’s right: these melee loving freaks outnumber the cops and every other gang, combined. Odds are you know several Paladin and don’t know it; or do know and smart enough to keep your cranial orifice closed.

One tenth the motor owning population of NeoCity rides a turbocycle. If your turbocycle is legally registered, it can attain a maximum speed of 300 kilometers per hour… and incidentally contains a GPS Tattletale for vehicular insurance and roadway compliance. The infamous Paladin Destrier, whose owners mysteriously ignore DMV regulations and inspections, can achieve 700 kilometers per hour. With an iconic titanium exterior, the bikes can accelerate from 0 to 40 kilometers per hour in 2.5 seconds. Difficult as it might be to believe, their operation is the greatest contributor of Paladin injuries and death.

The smartest chimpanzees (an extinct great ape) among you are wondering, “who manufactures the Destrier powerplant?” That answer is: Hyperdyne Reactors. You intelligent apes then ask, “is it illegal to provide civilian ground transport that can exceed 300 kilometers, under the North American Road Freedom Act?” Affirmative! Have a banana (an extinct edible fruit). Under whose legal system could suing a mega corporation succeed without the entire judicial circuit getting coerced before litigation begins? The Imperial Empire of Greater Korea does not count. That is cheating and you know it. Grand Empress Kim Yo-jong III runs a tight dictatorship. Thus the classic argument, “we do not build the entire bike, we just build the engine,” works every time in court. By the way, you did not hear this from me, but they also build the entire bike.

Aside their two wheel death machines, Paladin can be identified from the “mithril armor” they don. These are surprisingly well designed crash suits, made with advance plastic composites that can provide protection against unpowered melee weapons. Paladin are expected to finance and maintain their own armor, even before ownership of a Destrier, so newbies often wear hand-me-downs from senior sponsors, or partial pieces that will eventually become an entire suit. Urban legends claim a Paladin never removes her helmet in view of non-Paladin. A romantic lie that originates from a cringe worthy space opera wildly popular to our great, great grandparents. However it is true that Paladin promote a luddite philosophy to disavow assault rifles. This does not mean guns are absent from their ranks, they carry pistols for truly depraved adversaries, but non-augmented humans who prefer melee combat encourages unique “rules of engagement” from rival gangs. Unless seeking an objective that cannot be shared, Ordinance will overlook them as nonthreats. Pointily, Krypteia will prefer to engage Paladin with bayonets and shields as warriors’ respect.